While I endlessly Wait, I use my time as the Bait…
How many times have we waited? Waited endlessly for someone to text? Waited endlessly for someone to call? Waited endlessly for someone to go out with?
That wait is never ending, even if there is no Hope. Our hearts fail to understand the logic of time and we tend to wait.
This letter, second installment to THE LETTER, is to the girl, he waits for, all day and night. Every second spent on Social Media reminds him of her. He only wishes one more chance, one more moment with her.
NOTE: This is fiction. It doesn’t relate to anyone’s personal lives. It is written in first person to allow the reader to relate to themselves, to the extent possible.
Let’s Begin…
— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —
This is neither a letter of depression nor a suicide letter. This is an extension of what I emailed you, posted you earlier. I hope you’d have read it but if not, I’d hope that you take a read at this. If not, that’s okay too. I’d understand your anger and your attitude towards me. As I’ve always mentioned, your comfort is of the highest priority between us.
It’s been months since we last met. Probably the only time we met. It’s been weeks since we last talked. It’s been days since we wished our Good Nights to each other. Not that it is mandatory, but these small things are the key to one’s caring, are the key to one’s love. No amount of Gifts and Trips can suffice the pleasure of a small little Gesture.
Why?
Someone told me that, when you see something lucky, just take the name of the person you wish for and they’ll eventually come around. So, why do I think of you, every time when something lucky happens around me? Why do I wish you good fortune and stay worried about, whether you’re safe or not, did you eat or not, are you doing okay or not? I know I missed the train when it was time. Looks like the route I took had a lot of traffic lights, signaling me to change the path. But, I was stubborn and hence, ended up out here. Or rather, I’m too old in my emotions to accommodate your feelings.
Why?
I long for your message, every day, since the first second of my morning to the last moment in the night. Not that I want you to chit chat with me, but rather want to just spend a little more time, make a memory while sharing those crazy little memes, laugh our stomachs out when something unprecendented happens around us. Just share that little moment.
I cannot expect you to be online always as I know you got busy schedule whole day and then a tiring night. But, why do I expect a simple message, as easy as a Good Night.
Why?
I wait for you to call me, to tell me how your day was, to tell me if something bad happened today. I’m not interested in your schedule. I just want to know that you had a good day or not, that you did smile today. Is that a lot to ask? Or maybe I’m just convincing myself to defer the defeat.
Why?
Every time a movie comes up in the theater, I wish I’d take you to it. We’d order a popcorn, fight over that last bit of it. I’d always want the center seats so that we get the best view of it. And when I tell you the spoilers, I’d want you to shout at me and I’d want us to be thrown out of the theater for the nuisance.
Why?
I’d want us to go on a long drive, with no destination, just us. Sitting under the blanket of stars, sipping Beers and maybe not talking a word, just staring at that empty sky with tiny little white dots in it, under the moonlight. It’s not mandatory to talk when you’re with someone to make it memorable. Your aura beside me would be more than anything I can ever ask for. I miss you when we guys go on a trip because I just know how much you’d have loved it.
Why?
Every time I see a new restaurant, I wish I could bring you here. Every time I try something new, I want you to try it first. Every time I read something about HER, I want to send it to you. But, that would make me look desperate. I don’t want you to live a life so tedious. I want to take you out, so that you feel refreshed and energized.
Why?
I’d want to be the confused soul when I look at you. Should I choose your eyes? Or your smile? I want to be in that dilemma. I want to feel that ambiguity, for that will be the first, which will not make me nervous but give me immense pleasure. And in that process, I’d just look away to not let you notice my ambiguity. Not that it is the sign of disrespect, while someone talks, but I’m just confused. I’m just a little anxious.
Why?
I know you’re traveling today but I cannot see you off because you didn’t call. I’d want to show up, but I fear that you might take my “Safe Travels” as an unlucky gesture. Hence, I wish for you silently out here sitting on my cozy little couch. I’d still be worried until you reach your destination, which I don’t know when will that be. But, I like that feeling, because it makes sure that I care for someone except myself.
Why?
Your name is common on my Contact List, yet every time someone calls, I so wish it will be your voice on the other side. It will be you calling from another number, maybe playing a prank. I wish it will be you this time, who makes a plan to meet. I’d always cancel my meetings if it was you, but rather we ended up canceling our meets. Maybe you wanted to stay away from me. But I always fell for that message where you mentioned that you’re either busy or tired.
Why?
Why do I ask for the impossible? Why do I want to take the road not taken? Why do I wish to go back and start over one last time? Why do I wish I had a time machine so that I could just reverse all that up? Why do I value a smile more than my time? Why do I hope when I know the land is already barren?
Why do I wait for you when I know you’re long gone?
